I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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