he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
