where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize