I heard we made out
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
