did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
