At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
