Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
