halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
