She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
