woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
