I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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