nut hugger
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
