He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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