its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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