my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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