ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
two words...techno handjob
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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