i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
