sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
