The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
