I'm so fucking centered right now
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
