so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
