I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
