my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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