Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
