dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize