So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
