If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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