Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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