you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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