i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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