So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
