All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
