If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
