Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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