Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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