i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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