Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
