so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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