It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
