some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
