I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
