I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
