remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
