I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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