I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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