Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
only you would photoshop your dick
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
