drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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