she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
