Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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