Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
