He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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