The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
