ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
be right there i have to get my cape
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
