They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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