I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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