Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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