it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you didnt know i had herpes?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
