please come you make the beer taste better
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
