How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
