does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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