Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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