Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
