I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
