I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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