this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
