p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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