The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
