I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
